1. Brandon’s essay is very genuine and believable. The events flow very well.
2. I would correct the run-on sentences and spelling mistakes first and foremost. I would also add more detailed descriptions of certain events and places.
3. I really like how Brandon sequenced the events in the story.
4. The descriptions of the pure family bonding time was really moving to me. The story makes you realize the Brandon has a fun loving family that care about him.
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